Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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