Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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