you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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