there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
