Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
