so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize