Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
