before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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