that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
