She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
