my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
