Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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