The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
