I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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