Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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