The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
