I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
