He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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