if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
