Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
