accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sober January is a disaster.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
