You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
