Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
