ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
