people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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