i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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