I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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