I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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