no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
