my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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