i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
