How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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