maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
