on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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