I accidentally burped into my bong.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
