Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
