WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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