He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
