Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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