party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
