Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
