I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
