I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
