all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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