Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
even my farts smell like vagina
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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