I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my sisters under your porch take her home
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
