smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
