I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
