Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
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