I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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