As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm at about main and main street
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
