Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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