Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
