Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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