i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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