Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
