i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
She's like a pop up book from hell.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
