Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
