Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Sober January is a disaster.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
