I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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