What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
