ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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