Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
