I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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