better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
