Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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