you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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