There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Randomize
