So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
