Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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