Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
