his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
