the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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