So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
