The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Michael Bay diarrhea
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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