I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
