she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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