can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MIDGETS
????
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
