I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
