I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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