U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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