i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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