I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you win again, gameday.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
