i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
