its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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