my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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